Frigid dreams
Snow on her tongue
Ice skates and long walks
On cold December nights
Skin molded to resemble snowflakes
Opaque icicles hang from her joints
Frosted lips taste like peppermints
A snow angel lying outside for years
Her frozen breath goes unnoticed
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November 24, 2003
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Comments
Pale white skin outlined by black encasing a precious jewel sparkling outwards into nothing but precious light.
Skin molded to resemble snowflakes
Opaque icicles hang from her joints
Frosted lips taste like peppermints
The first line of this stanza is sort of misaligned with respect ot the rest of it. The remaining two lines start with a descriptor and then a noun, so why not use this for the first line. It also makes the entire stanza and poem flow better. So, I would recommend a slight change to
Moulded skin resembles snowflakes
With this, the meaning is the same, but it seems to flow off the tongue a bit better.
Again, well done.
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<youthculture>AAHJ THERESN A FLY ON MY NONUEIET
<youthculture>MONITERN AAAA
Her frozen breathe goes unnoticed"
Breath-taking. Really.
I'm so impressed by your work
The ending is particularly magnif!
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Whatever happened to Sex, Drugs & Rock'n'Roll?
Now all we have is AIDS, Crack and Tecno.
thank you
4 favorites
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Never insult an artist with a sharpened pencil in her hand...
the flow and wording is excellent
great job
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