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_winter_snow_ by ~black-requiem:iconblack-requiem:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Experimental




Frigid dreams
Snow on her tongue
Ice skates and long walks
On cold December nights

Skin molded to resemble snowflakes
Opaque icicles hang from her joints
Frosted lips taste like peppermints

A snow angel lying outside for years
Her frozen breath goes unnoticed
©2003-2009 ~black-requiem
Details
Submitted: November 24, 2003
File Size: 418 bytes
Image Size: 63.9 KB
Resolution: 316×237
Comments: 159
Favourites & Collections: 38 [who?]

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Total: 10,092
Today: 3

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Total: 6,721
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Author's Comments

..boredom

_________
stock from: ~wingless-stock [link] for the eye
and stock from ~resurgere for textures etc. [link]
words bye me

If your going to criticize this, please use constructive criticism; On the poem
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Comments


`flesh:iconflesh: Nov 24, 2003, 11:55:13 PM
I'm a sucker for eyes, and this is beautiful.

Pale white skin outlined by black encasing a precious jewel sparkling outwards into nothing but precious light.
~psychodrive:iconpsychodrive: Nov 25, 2003, 12:02:17 AM
I like this quite a lot. Strong imagery and the subtle rhyming and alliteration are excellent. I just have one problem:

Skin molded to resemble snowflakes
Opaque icicles hang from her joints
Frosted lips taste like peppermints

The first line of this stanza is sort of misaligned with respect ot the rest of it. The remaining two lines start with a descriptor and then a noun, so why not use this for the first line. It also makes the entire stanza and poem flow better. So, I would recommend a slight change to

Moulded skin resembles snowflakes

With this, the meaning is the same, but it seems to flow off the tongue a bit better.
Again, well done.

--
<youthculture>AAHJ THERESN A FLY ON MY NONUEIET
<youthculture>MONITERN AAAA
~silent-screamer:iconsilent-screamer: Nov 25, 2003, 12:28:59 AM
"A snow angel lying outside for years
Her frozen breathe goes unnoticed"

Breath-taking. Really.
I'm so impressed by your work
The ending is particularly magnif!
:+fav:

--
Whatever happened to Sex, Drugs & Rock'n'Roll?
Now all we have is AIDS, Crack and Tecno.
~wingless-stock:iconwingless-stock: Nov 25, 2003, 12:30:27 AM
wow.. i love it...

thank you
$Dan14Lev:iconDan14Lev: Nov 25, 2003, 3:33:47 PM
OMG this is awesome! i love the sparklyness!! :clap: :nod: its very nice!
4 favorites :) :D

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-Dan Leveille deviantART Creative & IT
~silentscream-er:iconsilentscream-er: Nov 25, 2003, 6:11:17 PM
Awesome poem. Great photo manipulation too.

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~liloandstitchfans ~ ballisticpixel
My monkey-loving friend Sarah: "Crazy? I was crazy once. Locked me up in a tower, fed me bread and water. Water has parasites. Parasites make you crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. . . ."
~blizpix:iconblizpix: Nov 25, 2003, 7:04:00 PM
Great poem. The repetition of snowflakes in the second verse seems clunky, but otherwise, the imagery is great. I esp like the last 2 lines.

--
Never insult an artist with a sharpened pencil in her hand...
~O-Wise-Master:iconO-Wise-Master: Nov 25, 2003, 7:27:18 PM
beautifully written - nice imagery.
~rwwingsfan19:iconrwwingsfan19: Nov 25, 2003, 8:54:06 PM
great poem
the flow and wording is excellent
great job

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comment, to get comments.
share your kindness, not your hate.
love the art, before yourself.
meditate on this. :ninja:
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